Here is my piece I wrote as a guest blogger for Jenn Shull and The Bold Thing. What an honor to be able to share myself and my relationship approach with her community.
Big love all
Bob
We are in a relationship with everything. We have relationships to the people in and out of our lives, we have a relationship to our environment, to our commitments, to our value, to our careers, to our
impact, and how we relate to our spirit/universe/God (if we do). Whatever and whoever it is, we have
a relationship to it, and we have a choice on how we relate to it.
The most important relationship we have is the one we have with ourselves. Who we know ourselves to be, to not be, what we do and don’t, what we dream of, run from, yearn for, or deny. The relationship to our existence and the purpose of it. Every single relationship we have (and since we are in relationship with everything) is one hundred percent impacted by the relationship we have with ourselves.
As a relationship coach that supports clients in creating stronger relationships with courage and heart, I often find myself coaching on the relationship to self. Whatever you are up to creating, the six or seven-figure business, the romantic relationship of your dreams, becoming the global leader, being a joyful entrepreneur, or the healthiest version of you, learning more about who you are, what you truly want, and what is in the way is the most critical step in actually achieving it.
In my own relationship journey of discovering myself, I had, for a very long time, yearned to have a
romantic relationship where I got to be all of me. A true partnership with a woman who got to be all of
her. However, what I was routinely experiencing was heartbreak after heartbreak. Months, and
sometimes years of committed relationships happening, evolving, leaving me wanting more and
dissolving. I couldn’t seem to get it right. I blamed my partners or made excuses as to why what I truly
wanted wasn’t possible. I explained away the possibility of finding the love and romantic relationship I
wanted.
Whenever you are not getting the results in life that you want, the first relationship to look at is the one
you have with yourself. You are one hundred percent the common denominator in your relationships so its an obvious place to look and a place that many don’t. We are too victimized by the circumstances, too right about how wrong the other person or thing is, and we never truly take responsibility for our part in our success of happiness, love, business and overall experience of life. That is on you and I invite you to, one hundred percent, take yourself on.
In this quest for love, what I learned about myself was how the thing I feared the most in romantic
relationship, I was unknowingly creating. I was afraid of being abandoned and I created all the reasons and circumstances my partner would need to leave. I was a terrible partner. I would have needs that I did not voice. Create expectations that were not communicated, and set “traps” to prove that my partner did not love me and that I was ultimately unlovable. All of this was done by me and I didn’t realize I was doing it. I wasn’t in relationship with myself in a sufficient way to know and get responsible for it.
I had to take responsibility for this if I was going to create love and relationship differently. First by
getting aware of this disempowering way of being in my romantic relationships. Second, I had to do
something about it. That looked like getting coaching on what I wanted and what was in the way, getting some therapy on healing the past, and some accountability to keep moving towards the unknown. It was new territory for me. New territory in the relationship with myself to take the responsibility to create what I want.
After about a year, the result was meeting the woman of my dreams. Creating a partnership where all of me can be brought to her and all of her can be brought to me. Yes, we still fight, have bad days, get on each other’s nerves but we also have a vision for our lives together. A vision that calls us forward
together in partnership and love. We get to meet each other where we are because we know as
individuals in this relationship where each of us is and who we are. I know all of me, choose to discover all of me, and practice expanding into relationship with myself each and every day.
Get to know you. All of you. Give permission to be with the light and the dark. Share it. Love it and then go share it with others. You are either in the way of what’s next in love business and life or in
relationship with it and creating what’s next.
Big Love,
Bob
