Today I am sharing an excerpt of my forthcoming book “Why Your Relationships Suck: Guide to Creating Strong Relationships with Courage and Heart”. I felt moved to share this today as I find time and time again the resistance in being with a broken heart. Many of our clients are in some phase of a broken heart. The resistance to this discomfort is strong. I also feel it is likely the reason your heart keeps getting broken. Lean into it. Get some support. Learn from it. Love again.
Create a Relationship with Your Heartbreak
I have an invitation for you.
You may not like this but allow and embrace all the heartbreak. Step into it one hundred percent and allow your heartbreak to happen freely. Feel every bit of it, every corner of your torn apart weeping heart. The dark, shielded, angry, devastated, “I will never love again” brokenness of it all. Sob uncontrollably. Scream until your throat hurts. Cry whenever and wherever. Get so angry you see red. Swear off love forever. Get it out, feel it. Feel the thoughts of how it went, how you will never get over this, and how you were so stupid and blind to let this happen to you. Feel all the missed opportunities to do, say, or be a different version of yourself. A version that would have prevented this. Feel the hollowness and tension in your body. Get it all out and feel it. When you think you are done go back in a feel more of it. However your heartbreak physically manifests itself. Be with it. All of it.
I’m sorry this has happened or is happening to you. It will get better. Even though you may not believe it will, it does. Take a brief moment to remember a time; perhaps the first time your heart was broken. How did it go? How is it now? It took time, most of us get better, most of the time on our own. Your heartbreak did not last forever. You may seek professional help, a therapist, a coach, or perhaps even a doctor to get medical treatment but we do get over it. You will too but it’s going to suck. Allow your heartbreak to happen completely. Embrace the suck.
Have you heard the saying that “Time heals all wounds?” Well, it will and in the healing process, as in most healing processes, scar tissue is developing. Time is going heal your wounds, but you have experienced trauma, a wound to the heart. While that wound heals you have or will develop scar tissue in the healing process. Most wounds leave behind a mark. A memory of their existence. There’s an emotional scar left behind on your heart. Another way to look at it is to consider the largest organ of our body: The skin.
Has your skin been scarred? I bet you have a few scars on your body somewhere. There’re old harms or traumas that healed but forever changed you. Your skin is healed but is now different. There’s a mark, a scar signifying the event. You have a story to tell about how you got that scar from that clumsy fall, that dog bite, that unplanned appendectomy while home for the holidays, a fight you got in with a sibling, or accidentally cutting yourself while loading the dishwasher. However it happened, you likely have a scar. It’s changed you and you likely don’t think much about it anymore.
This is how you can relate to your heartbreak. There will be a day you won’t think about it much, but it has shaped you. You have a story to tell about that relationship and how it has changed you forever. It heals and leaves behind a lesson. Those lessons can positively or negatively impact your relationships and it is up to you how you will move into your next relationship with this experience. Learn from it, grow, and transform. Get over it before you drag the same heartbreak into your next relationship.
Big love to you and that heart of yours,