May 19, 2018

I Had a Temper Tantrum

I had a temper tantrum today. Not one of my finest adult moments but nonetheless I had it. Now, I didn’t have the kicking and screaming version most of us are familiar with that anyone with a toddler could easily identify but an internal tantrum. I was kicking and screaming on the inside, to myself, ugly crying, red faced, kicking, screaming, hissing, with snot running down my nose. Whoa, you may be asking what could have possibly happened that had my inner voice, inner child, behaving in such a way. Much how a toddler would have reacted it was simple. Not really anything.

I didn’t get my way.

You see, I had my Saturday planned. I had a vision of what it would be and, well, it’s not going to be that way… and it triggered the fuck out of me. I do not know why. I don’t understand what has the adult in me behaving this way, AND it doesn’t really matter. What matters is who I get to be about it. No shit, no kidding. What it came down to is that I felt like I didn’t have a choice. That I was being told what to do and that it completely conflicted with my vision of the day. So I pouted, got snappy, and got taken out.

Enter grace, enter partnership.

My wonderful wife is so attuned to me that she knew something was up. She sensed it, energetically, and started poking the inner child.

Her: “Hey what’s going on?”
Me: “I’m just feeling rushed and this is not how I envisioned the day.”
Her: “Well what’s the story you are telling yourself about it”
Me: Internal voice- “OMG leave me alone I just want to have a tantrum”
Me: External voice- “That I’m not getting my way and I’m exhausted”
Her: “ Well stay home, it’s totally cool. Get some rest.”
Me: “But I want to spend time with you”
Her: “We have our whole lives to spend time together.”
Me: “I’ll get in the shower, let’s go.”
Her: Hugging me. “We can create this day anyway we want to.”

What happened in that conversation was that she pointed to the thing and she loved me. She pointed to and loved the loss of control that my inner tantrum needed. Wah wah wah….sniffle sniffle. She had me own my feelings and she gave me an opportunity to choose. She did not try to fix it, make me wrong, point to the TOTAL ridiculousness of being this way, or make it about her.

She pointed to the thing. Allowed me to choose.

This, and a million other reasons is how I know she is the one for me. We have this partnership and grace with each other and we know how to give each other what we need. With all the insanity in the world today, with all the heartbreak and tragedy, I am so grateful that I have someone who just gets me. So my inner tantrum doesn’t escalate to an outer tantrum. She gets me so as to call me forth to my higher purpose. My higher purpose is not a tantrum. It’s to support others in creating amazing lives, to open their hearts, to be kind, and to live life on purpose. Life is totally and completely awesome. Even when you want to have a tantrum and just don’t feel like (living) it. Give yourself and others a little bit more love today. Just because.