The day I REALLY met myself happened a couple of years ago. I recall it so vividly. I was on a call with Jenn Shull of “The Bold Thing” receiving some of her brilliant coaching. I was up against my not good enough story…You know, the story where the monkey mind tells you that you are failing, letting others down, should’ve, could’ve, would’ve only if (fill in the blank) but you didn’t and that’s why you suck. That part. The ole exhausting negative gremlin. I’ve heard some people don’t have that part to them which kind of baffles me as it’s been a part of me for as long as I can remember. Jenn normalized my dark parts and gave me permission to be with it all. At the time it was a whole heap of sadness around relationship that I was resisting the heck out of. She created an awareness in me that forever changed how I relate to myself.
Anyway, without knowing it I had been resisting a whole part of me my whole conscious life.
Which was making a very real part of me wrong. Making me wrong.
Resisting the Dark Parts!
My assertion is that we all have them. The human reptilian brain fight or flight part of me that is just trying to survive. The parts of me that are angry, sad, resentful, grieving, scared, lost. The parts of me that don’t feel good that keep me isolated and alone and that keep me from connecting with others fully. On that day Jenn helped me discover something. What I found out that day was by my resisting the dark parts it actually didn’t allow the other ones. The light fun ones. The joy, happiness, gratitude, purpose, fulfillment, love. There’s something like needing the dark to be able to FULLY experience the light.
Something happened when I realized that I was made wrong my whole life for feeling what we would call negative feelings. That way of being stopped that day and I now have access to honor all my feelings.
Yes, I get angry. Yes, I get sad and scared and yes, I can feel hatred. That day I accepted that as part of me was like a shell of shame broke from me and I felt the possibility and normalcy of what FULL EXPRESSION was like. The light and dark, yin and yang, right and wrong. It’s all part of me and all good and I can experience new levels of happiness I only thought others had a magical secret to achieve. How about you?
Do you notice feelings you resist? Give yourself permission to experience all of you. Start with anger on purpose.